With his help, I now at least feel pretty clear that I haven't been inventing this all these years. Was the restriction of unclean foods in the Bible a commandment. But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. We went to my room and I wanted to play video games with him, but he kept touching on me, going in my pants. If they do, it is only online. Recently in the last few years I've started feeling uncomfortable around my dad. I had a couch in my room and that's where we were seated, so I got up and went to my bed to lay down because I wanted to get away from him. Child, I am so sorry this has happened to you. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. I don't think he does it intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills. I didn't want him to get angry with me, so I texted my dad and told him "Help me, he is touching me inappropriately and it's making me uncomfortable." I've gotten counseling about this on and off for the past 15 years. Yes, there is a name for it, it's called covert sexual abuse. Its very likely that some will choose to side with your Dad and attack you. She did talk to my dad but he said he doesn't know about anything. Oh no. That is, when you say, "I don't know how to take care of myself and still be compassionate with them," I would suggest that you do both -- just not at the same time! Part of why you wrote what you wrote in your post is because you have to let it out. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. "For example, things like not taking off your . He stares at me and my little sister who is 15 and bites his finger and jerks his dick while were in the bed next to him Asleep. Rachel,What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. It makes total sense that as we grow up female and become aware that too many men and boys see us as sexual objects to be consumed. Off I would go to therapy, and the subject would be up for a handful of weeks at most, and then the monster would dive way back down where I couldn't really feel it or see it. Find out more about non-penetrative sex, and why it deserves more credit. Please help me Gramps.Rachel. i always We knew it was risky, Mr. Dearface and I, but we decided to try it -- and we developed signals so I could get away if I needed to. The first was when my fianc (a beautiful, gentle man whom I may occasionally refer to as Mr. Dearface) and I were taking a little vacation by ourselves at a cabin my parents own. A vacation with them?! After a few minutes he began touching me again, and it was really making me uncomfortable, and I pushed him away several times, but he continued. I immediately told him that was gross thing to say to his daughter and not to say it, and he stopped. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. Started Friday at 07:51 AM, By Start feeling better today. This is a place where you can ask for advice on many subjects. This is a hard thing to love past. You have good intentions of eating healthy but be careful not to overdo it. I am not comfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today B'). Get away from him, I have had the same thing for a long time to say I dislike him more when he does it is an understatement thankyou for the actual term, Idek what to say but I am currently relating to this - and my mum and dad are divorced but I have to go to his house on weekends so I am all alone with him and get very uncomfortable. gymrat44 replied to fcl 's response: I can't think of anyone to feel more comfortable with when being naked. No please dont ignore your feelings. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. Feeling an urge to cover up or fear when he walks behind? 172 views | I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. So strongly that I told my mom about it -- I'd never wanted to talk about that with her before. He's just always been there & that's why I feel so uneasy around him. I avoided touching him as much as possible, because it made my skin crawl. Try to consider your options in terms of degrees; consider how painful each one is, and how much uneasiness it introduces into your life. My feeling was, if I can ignore this, I'm going to. Then I told a friend, who also felt this exact way growing up. He hasn't done anything apart from making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I feel reluctant around him. This week I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time. For the official Church websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org. Posted Nov 9, 2019 20:10 by anonymous Did he actually love me? You're Censoring Yourself. Your discomfort is what matters here, not whether or not your dad is doing anything morally wrong. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. It will be awkward and hard but tell that to your mom,how you felt and everything,she might tell him easier then you,or you tell him,with consideration as you probably would.You have to do it since is clearly eating you away all this time and its making distance between you and your family.Go do it. I admire your ability to recount with impressive honesty these troubling sensations, and am particularly struck by the metaphors you have constructed for them -- that you feel "trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated.". My mother is the paranoid, afraid of the world person. Sometimes it feels like the way he looks at me is creepy but I can't be fucking sure. I keep having flashes of him raping me as well. Ice queen I immediately told him that was gross thing to say to his daughter and not to say it, and he stopped. But she dropped it as soon as I did, which was within a couple of months. Your journey is just beginning and it is going to be a long one. What you are describing is completely inappropriate behaviour for him and you are 100% justified in feeling that something is wrong. Its made me feel like I'm paranoid. So I need some advice. It's wrong. Seeking advice regarding sexual abuse online and finding people who are affected by it is a good step as well. In lots of ways, he's had a rough life -- he had a mother who openly admitted not loving him, he had a lonely childhood, and he had a nervous breakdown when he was middle-aged. So that rage wasn't born in that moment, I'm thinking. While it may be too bad that you weren't used to it growing up it's great that you have a chance now to make up for some lost time! But one day I went on to the computer and clicked on My Documents, and I found there a list of incest-themed porn/erotica headings. Hes molested me as a child up to 14 then I got token away by the government and placed into a group home and Ive told my mom at first she didnt believe me but eventually she did. When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. Kartoff Although they might have bad thoughts, they do not act on them. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. Their life is difficult and sad enough. But from then I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling that my dad sexually objectified me. She guessed the nature of it right away, and fell on the bed crying. But for the last 15 years or so (I'm 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. A guide to deciphering recycling codes on beauty products. My dad has not been around much due to his work. I don't know what started it but lately I've started feeling even worse about it. Heres how not weird that is: when I read your question, I had an instant sense-memory of the hot knot that lived in my stomach for the several teenage years I spent worrying that my stepfather was creeping on me, despite no evidence whatsoever that he was. My family doesn't even speak to me. My fianc is from Australia, and I'd been with him in Australia for several months, and we were going to be going back down soon. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. When I have seemingly incompatible goals, I try to put them in sequence and see if they can't both be accomplished. 1 comments. My mom pulled me aside and questioned me further, and I said I found something on my computer that I didn't like. Continue with Recommended Cookies, By You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation on your dad and try to figure out how bad it is. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. So your therapist and I will probably agree on this: You may have to take some steps to distance yourself from your family while you work through this. I'm torn, absolutely torn. Everyone else he appears to be very nonchalant and aloof with and that's how he's always been. Speak more loudly than usual to maintain a greater social distance. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. Every time he tries to give me a kiss I try to kiss him on his cheek but he makes me kiss his lips and sometimes he tries to do more than that. You will need that strength as you go forward. Designed by Elegant Themes | Powered by WordPress. Is there even a name for this? Can you help me get over the feelings of love I have for a person with whom my relationship has ended? It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. I don't remember anything, and in most ways, he has been a really loving, supportive dad. . I'll be talking to my great therapist when I get home, if I can get an appointment to see him. Why do Black women get triple-negative breast cancer more often? I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By But I knew that somewhere in all this, it was my dad. But he should be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you. I'm pretty sure he loves me but I just want to make things a little more peaceful with my dad.. Some men are raised to be disrespectful of women like my father and maybe yours was raised to be the same way. Conflicted trust issues, should I still stay. I was so uncomfortable as Im still young. For instance, sending a package. Stay in your house or in a hotel. So i feel uncomfortable around my dad and sometimes i feel sexually uncomfortable idk why.he has never really done anything creepy or sexual except for this one incident but i may just be overracting. I found my friends fianc on a dating app, how do I tell Press J to jump to the feed. He's such sad, wistful figure to me, despite everything. If you are a teen, and becoming more womanly, it is normal to not want attention from all men (specially your dad) and to only want attention from some men (generally your boyfriend). But, as always, not knowing. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. In fact, youre paying them a compliment: youre telling them you trust that theyd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. Does he stop kissing you, or does he pressure you to change your mind, or even ignore what youve said and go on kissing you? Is that enough, too much, and whats ahead with COVID vaccines? My grandfather watches a lot of porn and I remember telling my grandma and mom about it when I found out, but my grandma said "That's what men do." Started Friday at 11:13 PM, Mel Robbins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Psych2Go posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Tony Gaskins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Yahoo posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, Newsweek posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, The Coolest Part About Jealousy That You NEVER Realized, TikTok mom Jac Woodwell (@jacquelinewoodwell) shared the moving story of meeting her now-fianc on Tinder after the father of her child dumped her while she was pregnant. You are not alone. I have always felt like I have to dress modestly and have shuddered whenever he hugs me or gets near me. He said, "Its your problem. I haven't seen my dad since -- haven't been able to do it. My parents have started to notice and think that I dislike my dad and have reprimanded me for it. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. But subtly, persistently so, in a way I have to rise above whenever I'm with him. Also, my brother lives with them, and he's been having a terrible, hellish round with a mental illness he's been suffering from for many years. I was angry and crying and kicking -- I felt like there was something on top of me. Boyfriend 24M does not want to use condoms, what do i do? (We live in the same city.) I felt really uncomfortable and told him I wasn't sure about what was going on, but he kept trying to kiss on me. He rages a lot and gets extremely agitated when he gets confused. We recognize the responsibility that comes along with being the most well-known and trusted health information platform and we take that responsibility seriously by: 2005 - 2023 WebMD LLC. Sigh.. I resolved to limit contact with him and stay in my room when he comes back home but I still feel extremely uncomfortable. Mr. Dearface was out at a lecture somewhere else on the island. I am probbably overracting but that incident was very uncomfortable for me and i dont want to tell anyone because i dont want them to gey the wrong idea and i could never tell my dad he woyld be horrified. I see him about once every 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not mine. My father has always been like that (minus the paranoia). To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Love does not obligate you to put up with abuse. In an ideal world, I could cross my legs around and around like a cinnamon goddamn twistie. I minimized it my entire life and convinced . I moved back to my home country and only visit him now. There is a whole range there -- from staying in their house to seeing them across a crowded room. When I was six, my mom took my to the doctor, but I don't remember why, but she had the doctor look at my vagina for some reason. i have the same thing happening. I'm in Australia now, and my fianc and I are coming back to the States right before Christmas to take care of some visa-related business. Tell him how you're feeling. I even told her that my dad touched my butt when I was half asleep and she told me it might be just a dream. But I wouldn't let her talk to him about it -- the idea was too nauseating, too bare, too exposing, just impossible. December 6, 2016 at 7: . 2. Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button. Mr. Dearface and I had a trip to the cabin planned with my parents. Many incidents throughout the years like this have happened. I have no memory of that -- no picture, anyway. am I being too sensitive? [] (1)Why do the Chinese dislike milk and milk products? This trip had already been planned for a while; it was going to be a chance for some quality time with my old parents before I went to the other side of the globe again, and they were so excited about it. RawConfessions user (Login required), Your Message (please type your comment here). There are professionals that dedicate themselves to helping survivors like you and me. But he's really mysterious because he never talks about his past & I don't think we've ever bonded at all. I'm only thirteen and I told my mother about my father but she thought that I was just being sensitive. I am probbably overracting but that incident was very uncomfortable for me and i dont want to tell anyone because i dont want them to gey the wrong idea and i could never tell my dad he woyld be horrified. More than usual. He buys me nice stuff and generally is being super nice. toughlove1993 . To choose your username either log in or sign up. She went, after I begged her, to a therapist. He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. Started Thursday at 10:00 PM, By "You're monitoring actions that wouldn't hurt your partner if they were executed," life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. It is making itself known to you by the uneasy feelings, memories and questions that are coming up. 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